


guilty as charged

by teddygirl105



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Arguing, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Out of Character, Street Fight, Violence, and he snaps, jacob's buttons are pushed, things get better tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 21:23:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20459690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddygirl105/pseuds/teddygirl105
Summary: Jacob gets mad, to the point where he's out of breath from yelling and has everyone fearful of him. Storming out of the dorm, things get tense between him and the members.He reminds himself too much of his younger self.





	guilty as charged

**Author's Note:**

> this is another one of those fics that I started back in like 2018 and only finished like a year later
> 
> welcome to my sept 2018 phase so like,,, 2-3 months after I started stanning and ulting oops

_ “God damn it, why won’t you just listen to me!” _

A loud yell resounded through the dorm, making everyone freeze, careful not to breathe too loud. The air was tense, and they were all lost on what to do. Jacob’s face wasn’t smiling anymore, his eyes burning with fire and face stony.

It started off as a little prank that they had decided to play on Jacob, but it was clear that he had taken it the wrong way, and that they had went too far. It was only something harmless, leaving trash all over the dorm and pretending to ignore the fact that Jacob was telling them to clean up. Hyunjae was so immersed in acting, he started a little argument between them that escalated quickly.

“Hyunjae-ah, could you clean up your mess? Please?” Jacob asked, his voice beginning to strain from trying to hide his anger. 

“I’ll do it later hyung, stop worrying so much.” he called out from the couch, eyes not leaving his phone screen. “If it worries you that much, then why don’t you clean it up yourself?”

“I am not your mother, and therefore I don’t take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. This is something that you have to take care of.” he scolded. “That goes to all of you! Why aren’t you guys taking responsibility either?” Jacob’s voice was beginning to raise, and internally, a few of them were panicking.

**[q-tie]**

_ hyung should we do something?? _

_ it’s not going as planned _

Changmin peered over at Hyunjae from where he was, texting him. His face didn’t change from its original stoic look, but he replied.

**[hyunjae]**

_ just wait a bit longer _

_ then we’ll stop _

With a gulp, Changmin could only trust in Hyunjae and hope for the best. Obviously, it didn’t go well at all. None of them responded to Jacob despite his warnings, and soon enough, he bursted.

“I do so much for you guys in the dorm, and this is how you repay me? Despite all of the rules we’ve established here, you still have the audacity to break them and push it onto me? I’ve tolerated it for so long, but I’ve had enough. I’m not going to be used like this anymore.” Jacob hissed, his heart beating wildly in his chest, eyes dark and his breathing irregular. Stalking his way over to the foyer, he stopped himself just before he turned the corner, glaring at everyone in the living room.

“I thought I’d never say this, but this makes me regret having come here and debuted, seeing how I’m just being used.” he growled, his voice cracking and tears in his eyes.

With one final glare, Jacob left the dorm, slamming the door. Everyone was dead silent, processing his words, as well as reflecting on his actions. It was only when Eric began to whimper that they snapped out of it, watching as the maknae silently began to cry in his lap. Juyeon, who sat next to Eric, pulled him close, trying to console his tears away.

Changmin and Hyunjae met eyes, and they knew that things would be rough from here on out. Everyone had the same thought in their head, silently in their own little worlds of regret and self-reflect.

_ ‘We messed up.’_

* * *

Jacob only returned to the dorm late at night, when everyone was asleep in their rooms. He had cooled down a bit, having received text messages from both Sangyeon and Kevin, explaining the situation. He just dismissed them both, answering with a short and curt response.

**[leader]**

_ Jacob, I hope you can forgive us. _

_ It was just supposed to be a harmless joke, we didn’t know it would escalate this much _

_ Cool down, and maybe you’ll be able to see that we didn’t mean anything. _

_ Please. _

**[jacob]**

_ if it was just a harmless joke, then you should have set your boundaries. _

Kevin messaged him soon after, explaining the entire thing in detail in English.

**[moonlight kev]**

_ I’m sure you already heard it from Sangyeon, but still. _

_ If you want one central person to blame this on, then it’s Hyunjae _

_ but I’m not saying that all of us weren’t in it either. _

_ I know we pushed a touchy subject for you _

_ so it’s only fair that you’d burst like this. _

_ Just, please forgive them. _

_ You know they didn’t mean any harm. _

_ Things’ll be awkward until they either fess up or apologize _

_ and when they do, please don’t stay cold to them. _

_ This wasn’t the intended purpose at all _

_ Take the time you need to cool down, alright? _

_ And don’t do anything irrational. _

**[canada boy jake]**

_ I know _

_ but you knew about it already _

_ you should have known that it wouldn’t have ended well. _

_ I’ll try my best to forgive them. _

**[moonlight kev]**

_ also, just warning _

_ things are gonna be a little awkward to everyone, due to, y’know. _

**[canada boy jake]**

_ … _

_ I know. _

* * *

The next few days were awkward and tense. Jacob went out of his way to wake up earlier than the others, leaving for the company building alone in order to avoid confrontation. Practice was more serious than usual, little words being exchanged. He’d then stay later than the others, and would only leave once everyone else was gone.

All in all, this had greatly cut the amount of sleep he was getting from the little he already had. No matter what though, he didn’t want to talk to any of them. He was afraid that he had ruined their relationship.

Jacob didn’t normally burst out like that. A few sensitive buttons were pushed, ones that most of the members didn’t know about, so they weren’t completely to blame. It was accidental.

It… reminded him of when he was a kid. He was bullied a lot for his soft spoken nature, and thus was manipulated easily. Jacob remembered snapping one day, which ended up with a brawl that broke a few noses and bruised many ribs. He was suspended for a week due to misconduct.

Since then, he’d been careful not to lash out accidentally. A repeat of his high school experience was something he didn’t want to relive, and Jacob wanted to keep it that way. Going from being teased to being feared was a frightening and lonely path.

It seemed like he was on that path once more.

A lot of the members, especially Hyunjae and Eric, avoided him like the plague. They’d never make eye contact, and would stay far away from him whenever possible. The only people that talked to him were Sangyeon and Kevin, but even then, their conversations were short.

He couldn’t blame them. In just minutes, he broke their hearts and created some irreversible consequences. They had built up this dream together, and saying that he regretted every moment with them was damn cruel.

They never once used him for their own benefits. It was all or nothing in their group, and they would never dare to leave anyone behind. Jacob created lies from his misunderstandings and past and used it to hurt them.

The situation was weighing down on him heavily, and you could see how it was affecting him. He looked more… dead, to be blunt. Though they didn’t say anything, the others were all concerned.

After a practice that ran long into the night, Jacob found himself sitting in the practice room alone, staring at himself in the mirror. His dark circles were prominent, and he had lost a lot of weight in the little time. He felt weaker as well.

This, this was killing him. If he didn’t do something, then something bad would happen. He knew it.

With a heavy sigh, he curled up on the floor, closing his eyes. He was tired. So, so tired.

* * *

Changmin walked to the practice room, surprised to see that the light was already on. Then again, it was probably Jacob. Since the incident, he had been coming early to practices in order to avoid interaction.

His notion was correct, but not in the way he expected.

Opening the door, Changmin was surprised to see Jacob lying on the floor, asleep. Curled up into a ball right in the middle of the room. Setting his bag down, he went over to check on him.

The man seemed tired, Changmin could tell. It must have been awhile since Jacob got a full night’s rest.

He noticed how puffy his eyes were, and the dried tears on his face. 

“Hyung, wake up.” he softly spoke, carefully shaking Jacob awake. “It’s morning already.”

With a groan, Jacob opened his eyes, squinting at the light. “Changmin?” he muttered, still half asleep.

“You fell asleep in the practice room.” Changmin explained, watching him sit up. “I think you should skip practice today, you look exhausted. Go back to the dorms and get some rest, okay?”

Jacob just nodded, slowly standing up. He quickly gathered up his things before leaving, giving a small wave to Changmin. All the dancer could do was stare at the door, worried.

When did Jacob look so… empty?

He mulled on his thoughts as the other members entered the room, stretching to get ready for practice. “Changmin, aren’t you gonna stretch?” Juyeon asked, snapping him back to reality.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry.” he mumbled. “It’s just that, I dunno, Jacob-hyung seems so… off. I know he’s still mad at us about our prank, but I feel like this is being drawn on too long. Is there something we don’t know about?” he asked, but Juyeon just shrugged.

“I have no idea. Let’s wait a bit more. See if he cools down enough.”

“There… actually is something you guys don’t know.”

The two of them turned around to see Kevin, his face serious. “What do you mean?” Chanhee asked, having listened in on the conversation. Everyone else began to circle around, curious.

“I think it’s about time you guys knew about Jacob’s past.”

* * *

Jacob vaguely remembered getting back to the dorm before passing out on the couch for a few hours. When he woke up, it had been at least 12 hours, maybe more. The group hadn’t come back from practice yet, so that was good.

Getting himself off the couch, he quickly went to his room and changed into all black, pulling on a cap and a mask over his face. A walk would do him good.

He purposely walked the quieter roads in order to clear his mind. His stomach was growling, but he ignored it. It was definitely bad to have basically skipped every meal, but at this point, Jacob just didn’t care.

His shoulder bumped into someone’s arm, and they glared at him. “Watch it, you punk.” they growled, and Jacob glared right back at him. He was glad that he couldn’t be recognized at the moment.

“Fucking make me.” he hissed.

There was a sharp pain in his jaw as the stranger’s fist connected to his face, initiating a fight. With a growl, he charged right at them, elbowing them right in the stomach. The man headbutted him in the nose, leaving him vulnerable to be punched in the gut and into the wall.

Grabbing Jacob’s left wrist, the man tightened his grip, twisting it until he saw Jacob’s face distort in pain. Blood was staining his mask, making it harder to breath. Jacob kicked the man in the chest, effectively pushing him off and allowing him to pull off his mask.

“Oh? What’s this? A pretty boy? What a rarity. I’m surprised you can even fight.” the man wheezed, the smile on his face menacing.

“Say that again when you’re unconscious on the ground.” Jacob hissed, wiping the blood dripping down his face and smearing it all over. His body hurt all over, and he was pretty sure that his nose? Broken. This fight had to end now.

His eyes searched around, finding an empty bottle on the pavement next to the man. Good enough.

Dodging a swift punch, Jacob punched the man in the stomach, kneeing him as well before running towards the bottle. Snatching it off the ground, he choked as the man kicked him in the ribs, making him fall to the ground with a thud. Rolling out of the way of a stomp, Jacob pushed himself up, barely dodging a hook to his face before swinging the bottle right at the man’s temple.

The satisfying sound of glass breaking resounded through the empty road, and the man fell to the floor, unconscious.

The adrenaline slowly dissipated from his body, leaving Jacob shaking as he caught his breath. Everything hurt, his nose was in immense pain, and all he could remember was the time he beat up his bullies in school.

With a hiss, he angrily threw the neck of the bottle away, grabbing his mask off the ground before running away from the man. As much as he didn’t want to, he had to get to the dorm first. He didn’t bring his phone with him, as stupid as it sounded, and he would rather get it first before going to the hospital to be checked up.

It didn’t take too long to get back to the dorms, but when he opened the door and stepped into the living room, everyone stared at him. They were back from practice earlier than he expected. Shit.

“Jacob! What the hell, are you okay?” Kevin exclaimed, shocked by his appearance. Dried blood smeared over his face, bruises all over, and a bloody mask in his hand. Who wouldn’t be surprised?

Kevin rushed over with a wet cloth, carefully beginning to clean up all the blood on Jacob’s face. “Please don’t tell me you got into a fight.” he begged.

“So what if I did?” Jacob grumbled. It was hard to ignore everyone’s eyes on him, curious and concerned. Luckily for him, Kevin had finished cleaning his face up, so he dragged him out of the dorm to go to the hospital.

Everyone was still silent when they left, no one daring to speak. To think, their soft spoken Jacob getting into a fight? And how… uncaring he had sounded, pushing it off as if it was just a little thing.

“What happened to him?” Sunwoo whispered. “I guess we really did push the wrong buttons by accident.”

They knew. Kevin had told them everything. It was their fault for causing this, and it was up to them to resolve the problem.

* * *

The hospital trip felt like it took a millennia. While the doctor was checking up on him, asking questions while he did his magic, Kevin was messaging their manager about the situation. Though disappointed, he said that they’d do their best to cover him if news got out.

As for his injuries, they were mainly minor, nothing too bad. A broken nose, sprained wrist, and many bruises. He’d had to lay off intensive exercise until his body wasn’t sore anymore, and his wrist was to be in a brace until healed. The bruises would fade in due time.

After given instructions and prescribed painkillers, he was good to go. Their manager came to pick them up, though the ride back was just Jacob being reprimanded.

Now finally out of his stupor, Jacob felt guilty. Not only had he caused more problems for the company, but he had worried the entire group with his wellbeing. They hadn’t even made up yet.

They had arrived at the dorms, and Kevin thanked their manager for driving them back at such a late hour, dragging Jacob with him. When they had entered, everyone was still in the living room, though this time sitting together in a mannerly fashion.

As if on cue, Kevin led Jacob over to them, making him sit down with them. It was awkward, being face to face with all of them once more. They were all looking at each other, as if silently agreeing over something.

“We’re sorry.” Hyunjae spoke first, look Jacob right in the eyes. “What we did was irresponsible and out of hand. Kevin told us enough to understand that what we did was sensitive for you. I hope you can forgive us.” he apologized. Everyone else nodded with him, also looking apologetic.

Jacob stared at them all, taking in their expressions and body language. They really did mean it.

“...No.” he muttered, making them all freeze. Did they do something wrong for him to reject them? “If anything, I should be the one apologizing.” he finished, seeing them visibly relax.

“I overreacted to such a trivial thing and caused damage I can’t easily fix. My words were based on lies and misconceptions, and I hope that you don’t take them to heart. I understand if it takes some time for you to forgive me, but I hope things can go back the way they were before the incident.”

“Of course it can, hyung. Your outburst was because of us, and we all know that we just say whatever we can in order to hurt whenever we’re mad, even if we don’t want to. Though it hurt, we all knew deep inside that you didn’t mean it.” Changmin answered.

Eric was the first to act, practically attacking Jacob in a hug. The others followed suit, suffocating him in their love as they could finally breathe easy. Though shocked at first, Jacob began to laugh, hugging them back tightly.

However, his laughter suddenly turned into tears, and he couldn’t stop them no matter how hard he tried. Jacob sobbed into their arms, feeling so relieved.

He was so scared that he was becoming his past self again, and that he wouldn’t be able to reverse the actions he had done. And yet, here they were. They were here to help him out of the hole he had previously dug, and make sure that he would never go back into it.

“Hey, be careful, he still has a lot of bruises.” Sangyeon called out, cautious of how hard they were hugging Jacob. Even if it did hurt, he didn’t care. It just felt so good to not be split from the group.

After the little crying fest, they let Jacob wash up, telling him that they’d have some food for him once he was finished. Now that they had mentioned it, he was starving. His stomach was begging for food, having not eaten since last night’s dinner.

All they really had in their kitchen was instant ramyeon, but that was more than enough for Jacob. It was like heaven, finally having some food in his system. The others were happy to see him eat, knowing how much his appetite had decreased since the incident.

Sangyeon refused to let him wash the dishes, worried about the bruises on his knuckles and his sprained wrist. Jacob was fine, really, but he didn’t say anything to avoid retaliation. His knuckles did hurt whenever he flexed his fingers, but it was bearable.

After he had reassured everyone that he would be fine in a few days and that they wouldn’t need to worry about him, Jacob finally retreated to his shared room. Sangyeon was already there, looking a little worried.

“You must be tired, right?” he asked, standing up from where he was perched on his bed.

“Mm, not really, to be honest. It’s only been like, 4 hours since I woke up, but the fight and everything made me a little worn out.” Jacob explained.

“Do you mind if I see? All the bruises and what not. Just so I can judge how long you’ll be out for.” With a nod, Jacob proceeded to take off his shirt, albeit a bit slowly due to the pain. He could hear Sangyeon wince, looking at his injuries with a piercing eye.

A large bruise was beginning to turn blue and purple right where Jacob got punched in the gut. There was another one on his ribs. Plus the bruise on his jaw and knuckles, as well as the broken nose, it was truly a sight to see.

“God… they look painful.” Sangyeon whispered, approaching Jacob and gently brushing his fingers against them. He winced, making the leader pull back abruptly. “Sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt too badly.”

Pulling his shirt back on, Jacob also showed Sangyeon the bruise on his jaw, to which he just stared. “You got yourself into quite the mess.”

“Well, I’m afraid I’m not as good as fighting as I once was.” he joked, but Sangyeon didn’t laugh. Instead, he silently pulled Jacob into a hug, acting as if he’d break at a single touch.

“Please, don’t worry me like that again.” Sangyeon whispered, one hand nestled in Jacob’s hair.

He slowly hugged back, the warmth of their bodies together comforting him. It had been so long since he was in the presence of Sangyeon, just the two of them alone.

“M’ sorry. I… I didn’t mean to.” he managed to choke out, feeling tears well up in his eyes again. “I missed you a lot. It hurt not being able to talk to you without wanting to just run away. I didn’t like seeing you look so hurt.”

“I could say the same to you, y’know?” Sangyeon muttered, “You were just becoming more and more lifeless. It was scary.” Pulling away, he pressed a kiss on Jacob’s forehead, looking right into his eyes. “Don’t pull anything like that ever again. If something goes wrong, then just tell me. I’ll force the others to fix it if it’s their fault.”

“...Alright.”

“Good. Now let’s get to bed.”

Instead of going into their respective bunks, the two of them climbed into the bottom bunk together. It was a bit of a tight squeeze, but they didn’t mind. Jacob could feel the beat of Sangyeon’s heart against his back, their legs tangled together.

Sangyeon had fallen asleep first, leaving Jacob to mull in his thoughts for a few moments. Being able to have this serenity, to make up with the group so quickly and go back to the way it was before. It hadn’t really processed in his head how… different it was until now.

Back in high school, it took him a whole month to prove his worth to his friends and show that he wasn’t a threat to them. And even after that, things were still rocky. But them? His group mates? They accepted his apology so easily, and instantly went back to normal.

He didn’t know if it was in their nature to accept apologies so easily, or if it was because they were so worried about him that any sign of recovery was a good one. Regardless, it made Jacob feel a little… undeserving. As if he hadn’t earned the right to be forgiven. He had done so much damage and they just brushed it away like dust.

His throat began to close up as the tears threatened to fall once more. He didn’t deserve to be forgiven so easily. The warmth from Sangyeon, which was once comforting, now seemed like lava on his skin. Jacob desperately wanted to pull away from him and be alone.

A sob escaped his lips, which he struggled to muffle with his hands. No, he had to be thankful. He had to be happy that it went so well.

But why couldn’t he?

Was he just too used to being pushed away? To work so hard to gain his friendships back? Why couldn’t he just accept it? Why? Why why why-

“Don’t cry.”

Jacob jolted, shocked to hear Sangyeon next to him. He was wide awake, sitting up and staring at Jacob with worry.

“Come on, up you get.” he muttered, helping his boyfriend up so that they were sitting face to face. “There’s no need to cry.” With gentle fingers, Sangyeon wiped away the tears.

Jacob flinched.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked. He didn’t move to hold his hands, or to hold Jacob tight. Sangyeon just sat there, respecting his distance. Jacob was thankful.

“Why aren’t you mad at me?” Jacob whispered, his voice breaking. His hands were shaking violently, and he urged them to stop, balling them into fists. “I… I did so many things I shouldn’t have done, and I said so many things I shouldn’t have said and I know I can’t take my words back and I regret it so much but you welcome me into your arms so easily as if nothing ever happened and I don’t understand why-”

“Jacob, breathe.” Sangyeon interrupted, his voice firm and commanding. He was using his leader voice again. “Take a deep breath.” This time, he laced their fingers together, silently urging Jacob to listen to him. He took many shaky breaths, regaining his composure.

“Believe me, I was pissed.” Sangyeon started, maintaining eye contact. “I’m not sure how I even managed to make conversation with you the entire time. I was mad, yes, but I was so, so worried. Seeing you slowly deteriorate every single day fucking hurt, Jacob. And knowing that I wasn’t able to do anything because you’d just push me away? It just made me even angrier.”

Jacob licked his lips nervously, feeling guilty. He had never thought about it that way.

“Hyunjae and the others had planned to apologize since the beginning, but there was no good opportunity to do so. I had to sit there and watch as you threw yourself away while the others were all filled with remorse and worry. It pissed me off to see how long you were stretching this out for.”

“But after Kevin told us everything, it made more sense. Why you kept on distancing yourself. You were just so… used to this before. I’m guessing it just felt like the only answer was to push away from us.” Sangyeon gently grabbed the sides of Jacob’s head, making them meet eye to eye.

“You don’t deserve to have gone through such things. That’s why we weren’t mad. All we want to do is help you heal, because the way you cope isn’t right. You don’t need to overthink it, okay?” he whispered.

A choked sob escaped his lips, and Jacob threw himself into Sangyeon’s embrace. His boyfriend quickly wrapped his arms around him, stroking his hair as comfort. “Thank you.” he choked out, unable to say anything else.

“There’s no need for thanks.” Sangyeon answered, “All I want is for you to get better. You can do that for me, right?” Jacob nodded, clutching onto Sangyeon’s shirt tightly.

He would heal.

**Author's Note:**

> [ twitter](https://twitter.com/teddygirl105)   
[curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/teddygirl05)


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